i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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