Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize