Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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