It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think I won the penis lottery.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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