Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
