cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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