he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
