The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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