Where did you get a picture of my penis
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize