Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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