Tell her she can't have a vagina
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
