I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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