I love black thongs
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
