just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
