11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
