Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
