just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
