Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
