How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
