I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
