Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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