and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize