As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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