hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
