She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
