dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
