What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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