you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
