His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just want nice things and good sex
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
