Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
