When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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