i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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