do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
