you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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