I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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