? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
