i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
