Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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