I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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