Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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