This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
