Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
