Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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