it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
