I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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