I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
