My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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