About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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