remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
