Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
