i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
