I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
