Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
