Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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