I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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