His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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