Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize