people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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