Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize